Why football sucks

I’m so controversial.

To be honest though, this post isn’t really about why football sucks. Or more accurately, it’s about why I used to think football sucks. I’ll explain.

If you live in the U.S. and have been awake these last few weeks, you know that last night was the Superbowl – the championship game of American professional football. I’ll admit right now that I’m not a football fan.

Before you write me off as some kinda girly-girl (and if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I’m about as far from that as I could possibly get), let me explain that I love baseball and hockey. So it’s not that I don’t enjoy sports in general – just that one sport, football, in specific.

I’m not entirely sure why I don’t like it. I’ve tried to get into it – I’ve sat down and watched games in an attempt to understand the great national obsession with it. But for some reason, I Just Don’t Get It.

I think it’s the rules. Unlike baseball and hockey, where the goal (and rules, to some extent) are pretty obvious, football just – doesn’t make sense. One team has the ball, and they have to try to run down the field to the opposing team’s goal line. They have four chances to do it – but actually if they run at least ten yards, they get four MORE chances to try to run to the goal? And if they get there in time, they can run the ball over the goal line for a touchdown, and then they get to kick the ball, but if they still have a “down” they might chose to run it in for a 2-point conversion? And wait, if the other team intercepts the ball then THEY can run it down the field?

Dammit people, could you have made this game more frickin’ complicated??!?

Baseball and hockey are easy, by comparison. In baseball, you’ve got a dude who has to hit a ball with a stick. If he hits the ball, and doesn’t get caught on a fly, he runs as fast as he can to get back to where he started. But if he doesn’t have enough time to make it, he can stop at one of the bases along the way. Then another guy gets to go. That’s basically it. There’s lots of rules, of course (because we love rules in our sports, evidently), but it’s pretty clear what needs to happen. Hockey’s the same way. Guys on skates, little black disk, dudes need to hit it into the other team’s net. Simple.

There’s none of this starting and stopping, or 2nd downs, or flags on the field, or calling time outs. The clock doesn’t stop – okay, it stops in hockey, but nowhere near as much as in football, where five minutes on the clock actually translates to 25 minutes of playing time. But there’s no clock in baseball – it just keeps going until all nine innings (well, eight-and-a-half, if the winning team is up to bat in the second half of the inning). That is, if it’s not suspended on account of rain. Or darkness. Or a curfew imposed by law. Or mechanical failure…

But like I said, there’s no time outs – well, okay, so a player/manager/umpire can call a time out, but usually only for something really important, like replacing a worn ball or, uh, if a manager wants to talk to a player…

But there’s no weird, obscure rules in baseball like there are in football (for your examination, I give you the fair catch kick). I mean, sure, there’s a few odd ones, like balks, or base runner assistance…

Ok, so football and baseball each have their share of quirks. So I’m not entirely sure why I had such a hard time “getting” football. But last night, Bunker Hubby sat with me and attempted to explain the game as it progressed. I have to give him credit – he was the soul of patience as I asked him all kinds of stupid questions (“Why did they just stop? How come it says ‘First down’ again? Wait – why did that dude just grab the ball and start running? Do all football players have butts that ni– Um, never mind!”)

And now, I think I finally get the concept of downs, and getting ten yards, and when the other team gets the ball, and even the two-point conversion (although I have my Twitter peeps to thank for that one – Bunker Hubby wasn’t totally clear on the concept). I don’t think I’ll ever like football as much as I like baseball – they’re VERY different games, and something about baseball appeals to me in a way football doesn’t – but at least now I understand the game more.

Next up: Golf!

Or maybe I’ll just wait for spring training. It’s only about a month away.